Coping with the Cancer: Shock, Stress, Anxiety, Grief and Loss Page from The Cure Our Children Foundation

Lainie, Alon, Lilah and Barry Sugarman Alon Sugarman During Chemotherapy

 

In Honor of Alon Sugarman

This site maintained by Barry Sugarman, B.S.ENGR.
Father of Alon Sugarman, Diagnosed March 6, 1998
with Ewing's Sarcoma of the Distal Femur.
E-Mail to: barry@cureourchildren.org
 
 **This guide has been written for educational purposes only, it cannot be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or a disease. If you have or suspect that you or your child may have a health problem, you should consult your doctor.  Additionally, this site is not intended to provide legal advice or legal opinions.  If you need legal advice or opinions, please consult your attorney.** 

Original Article: How this Parent Copes with the Shock, Grief, and Anxiety

by Samantha Kazarinov-Hawk

    I refer to religious texts often, and my sons and I talk about them. One passage that gets me close to the Divine is 'The eye with which I see God is the eye with which God sees me.' This helps me remember my prayers will be heard.

    Sometimes it's hard to remember that there are ways of making yourself feel better. I was, indeed, frazzled, last night after getting home from hospital and couldn't think what to do with myself. So I checked my email and logged on the E-Sarc line. Just knowing it's there, no matter how I'm feeling, is a great comfort and source of support. Psychologically, it helped me to know that I could put my feelings into words and then LET GO OF THEM as I sent them to the group. 

    Aromatherapy has really kept me going. I find that specific blends of oils really help me feel at my best if I'm having a bath, and a massage from the skilled practitioner I've been going to for the last 5 years goes very far to relax, work through blockages, and energise. I know nothing about reiki, though it's become quite accepted in the UK as an alternative healing practice and is advertised in my GP's surgery. 

Here are some practical words of advice I've received from family and friends about what to do when you are by yourself and fighting worry, grief, confusion, and fatigue. (I've no doubt left out others!)

    1. Consciously take three long breaths every half-hour. Time yourself!
    2. Think about someone you love every half-hour. Visualise that person returning
        your love. Do not allow any other emotion to come into your vision.
    3. Think about someone who loves you every half-hour. Visualise yourself returning
        that love. Do not allow any other emotion to come into your vision.
    4. Go for a walk.
    5. Sing. (If you go for a long-enough walk, you can sing as loudly as you want and no
        one will hear you!)
    6. Listen to relaxation tapes or music you like.
    7. Cry.
    8. Play with your cat/dog/horse/hamster.
    9. Work in the garden.
    10. Do something for someone else you would like to have someone do for you.
    11. Say your prayers.
    12. Count your blessings.


Most of these work for me, and I hope they'll work for you.

With kind regards,

Samantha Kazarinov-Hawk
Falcon's Rest
29, College Hill Road
Harrow Weald,
Middlesex HA3 7HG

musical.infants@TALK21.COM

Member, The Ewing's Sarcoma Online Support Group
E-SARCOMA@LISTSERV.ACOR.ORG

And here is a picture of my son Gordon:

Samantha Kazarinov-Hawk was the inspiration for this page through here article above.  After I read the article, I was so moved, that I realized the value that this information would be for others.  Here is my own list on "How to Cope with Cancer in the Family"......Barry Sugarman, B.S.ENGR., President, The Cure Our Children Foundation:

    1) Observe nature's beauty: a sunset or sunrise, ocean, beach, lake, or stream.
    2) Meditate and Relax.
    3) Get a massage.
    4) Exercise: Ride a bike, run up and down flights of stairs.
    5) Speak with a close friend or someone else that you love on the phone or in person.
    6) Listen to some music.
    7) Take your mind off the situation: Television (no news shows), reading, working,
         writing.
    8) Buy some new clothes.
    9) Eat some extraordinarily good food.
    10) Listen to what others have to say and receive inspiration.
    11) Ask for the support of your community and your friends.
    12) Discuss your situation with others including your rabbi, priest, pastor.
    13) Spend quality time with your wife and your family.
    14) Surf the Internet and discover new things.  Try to learn information that will help
          yourself and others.
    15) Try to find and experience the beauty and humor in your situation and the people
          around you.

And, here are some additional resources for you:


Internet Resources on Coping with Cancer:
National Cancer Institute Coping with Cancer Page, Phone: 1-800-422-6237
CancerSurvivors.org Emotional Coping Page, Phone 916-422-1587
Shared Experience.org Page, Phone: 212-486-2715
OncoChat.org, Phone: 718-392-3667
Circle for Cancer Parents Web Ring
American Cancer Society Coping with Cancer in Everyday Life Page
Cancer.com Coping Page
Oncolink Coping with Cancer Page, Phone: 1-800-789-PENN
Medline Plus Coping with Cancer Page
Medical College of Wisconsin article "Coping with Childhood Cancer", Phone: 414-805-3666
BioImmune Inc. Coping with Cancer Page, Phone: 888-663-8844 or 480-778-1618
Families Coping with Cancer from Canceraction.org, Phone: 716-423-9700, Fax: 716-423-9072
Coping with Cancer and Exercise Article from The Physician and Sportsmedicine

Internet Resources on Coping with Stress:
Comprehensive Stress Management and Emotional Wellness Page, Phone: 406-657-2123        
           
Email: Marketing@OptimalHealthConcepts.com
PhenomenalWomen.com Stress Resources Page
          Email: webmaster@phenomenalWomen.com
10 Tips on Coping with Stress and Anxiety by Jeffrey S. Kaye, Ph.D., Phone: 415-362-8262,       
           
E-mail: jsk@drjeffkaye.com 
HolisticMed.com Stress Reduction Resources Page, Phone: 603-225-2110           
           
Email:mgold@holisticmed.com 
Netscape Stress Resources Page
MedLine Plus Stress Page
MentalHealth.com Stress Management Page
Go.com Stress Management Resources Page
About.com Stress Management Resources Page
CareGuide Stress Reduction Techniques
Exercise Reduces Stress, Here are exercise Links, Phone: 905-525-9140 x2232, Fax: 905-528-3733
FitnessLinkPros.com, Phone: 503-641-1898
Workout.com, Phone: 408-267-8301, Fax: 413-425-8485

Internet Resources on Coping with Anxiety:
The Anxiety Network, Phone: 602-230-7316
Anxiety Disorder Association of America, Phone: 301-231-9350, FAX: 301-231-7392
National Institute of Mental Health, Phone: 301-443-4513; Fax: 301-443-4279 
Doctor's Guide to Anxiety, Phone: 514-938-2600
BuSpar Web Site, Phone: 212-546-4000
The Anxiety Panic Internet Resource     Email: tapir@algy.com
AnxietySelfHelp.com     Email: christine@globalfreeway.com.au
EmotionToolKit.com,         Email:lisa@emotiontoolkit.com
SelfHelpMagazine, Phone: 619-277-2772, FAX: 619-294-8181
MentalHelp.Net,  Phone: 614-764-0143, Fax 614-764-0362
SelfGrowth.com,  Phone: 732-761-9930, Fax 732-761-9950
MindInfo.co.uk Anxiety Site, Email: mail@mindinfo.co.uk
United Kingdom Patient UK Anxiety Site,  Phone: +44 (0) 191 261 2252, Fax +44 (0) 191 261 4452
Dietary Supplement Kava Kava for Anxiety About.com Resources, Phone: 212-204-4000
  
            Fax: 212-204-1521    Whole Health MD Article   iHerb Article    Kava Medical Study
                 Green Earth Kava Info and Links     Additional Kava Links
Dietary Supplement Theanine for Anxiety, Phone: 512-926-4900

Internet Resources on Coping with Depression:
Depression-net.com
Depression and Related Affective Disorders Association, Phone: 410-955-4647
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, Phone: 800-826-3632
Royal College of Psychiatrists Depression Leaflets, Phone (United Kingdom): 011-44-020 7235 2351 x138
DepNet.com, Email: info@depnet.com.au
HealingWell.com Depression Resource Center
Psychology Information Online Depression Resources, Phone: 908-526-8111 
Oncolink Cancer Depression Mailing List
Dietary Supplement St. John's Wort for DepressionAnxiety About.com Resources, Phone: 212-204-4000
  
            Fax: 212-204-1521    Whole Health MD Article   Healthwell.com Article   Complemed.com Info
                 Holistic-Online.com St. John's Wort Info     Herbs for Health St. John's Wort Links
Alternative Treatments for Depression, Dr. Podell.org, Phone: 732-565-9224
Yahoo's Mood Disorders Links
Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.crisis
Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.manic
Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.seasonal
Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.medication
Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.recovery
Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.teens
Newsgroup: soc.support.depression.crisis
Newsgroup: soc.support.depression.family
Newsgroup: soc.support.depression.treatment

Internet Resources on Locating Mailing List, Newsboard, and Chat Support Groups:
Search Yahoo Groups for Mailing Lists, Phone: 408-731-3300, FAX 408-731-3301
Search CoolList.com for Mailing Lists
Search Listserv Mailing Lists for Cancer Related Lists, Phone: 800-399-5449
Topica, Search for Mailing Lists, Phone: 415-344-0800, 415-344-0900
Search for Usenet Groups at Usenet Info Center Launch Pad
Search for IRC Chat Rooms
Search Discussion Groups at Google Groups

Internet Resources on Locating Traditional or Alternative Health Care Professionals:
Find a Therapist.com, Phone: 800-865-0686,  602.294.6677, Fax: 602-265-5513
1-800-Therapist.com, Phone: 1-800-843-7274
American Psychiatric Association, Phone: 888-357-7924, FAX 202-682-6850
Locate a Board Certified Psychiatrist, Phone: 866-ASK-ABMS
American Board of Professional Psychology, Phone: 573-634-5607, Fax: 573-634-7157
American Counseling Association, Phone: 800-347-6647, FAX : 703-823-0252
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Phone: Phone: (202) 452-0109,
          
Fax: (202) 223-2329
American Psychological Association, Phone: 800-374-2721, 202-336-5500
National Association of Social Workers, Phone: 800-638-8799
Association of Oncology Social Workers, Phone: 847-375-4721, Fax: 847-375-6321
American Association of Naturopathic Physicians, Phone: 703-610-9037, FAX 703-610-9005
Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine, Phone: 416-498-1255, FAX: 416-498-1576
Austrailian Traditional Medical Society, Phone: + 61-2-9809-6800, FAX: + 61-2-9809-7570
Comprehensive Guide to Aromatherapy, Phone: +44-0-7931-534997, FAX: +44-0-0870-130-5791
Atlantic Institute of Aromatherapy, Phone: 813-265-2222
American Music Therapy Association, Phone: 301-589-3300, Fax: 301-589-5175
American Dance Therapy Association, Phone: 410-997-4040, Fax: 4l0-997-4048
American Art Therapy Association, Phone: 888-290-0878, Fax: 847-566-4580
American Massage Therapy Association, Phone: 847-864-0123, Fax 847-864-1178
American Association of Oriental Medicine (Acupuncture and Herbs), Phone: 888-500-7999,
           
Fax: 610-264-2768
National Certification Commission for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine, Phone: 703-548-9004,
  
       Fax: 703-548-9079
American Chiropractic Association, Phone: 800-986-4636,  Fax 703-243-2593
Canadian Chiropractic Association, Phone: 1-800-668-2076, FAX: 416-781-7344
Re-evaluation Couseling--Where Ordinary People Counsel Each Other, Phone 206-284-0311, FAX: 206-284-8429
Dr. Bryan Knight's Hypnosis.org, Phone: 514-489-6733, FAX: 514-485-3828
American Board of Hypnotherapy at Hypnosis.com, Phone: 800-872-9996, FAX: 714-245-9881
Yahoo Hypnotherapy Resources
Homeopathic Medical Association, Phone: UK: 01-474-327431, FAX: 01-474-560336
Directory of Homeopathic Organizations, Phone: 914-436-6965, FAX: 914-791-5703
HomeopathyHome.com, Phone: UK:+44-1223-574307, FAX: +44-1223-574307
National Center for Homeopathy, Phone: 877-624-0613, Fax: 703-548-7792
American Herbalists Guild, Phone: 435-722-8434, Fax: 435-722-8452
European Herbal Practitioner's Association
American Holistic Health Association, Phone: 714-779-6152
American Association of Drugless Practioners,  Phone: 888-764-AADP
Trancendental Meditation Program, Phone: 888-532-7686
Applied Meditation Therapy, Phone/Fax: 707-794-9231
Metivta-Jewish Meditation, Phone: 310-477-5370
Biofeedback Network, Phone: 610-933-8145
Therapeutic Recreation Association Directory, Phone: 304-599-6465, FAX: 304-599-6465
Find a Massage Therapist, Phone: 847-864-0123, Fax: 847-864-1178
Yoga Journal's Yoga Directory, Phone: 510-841-9200, FAX: 510-644-3101
Directory of Tai Chi Schools and Resources, Phone: 800-948-1700, Fax: 847-679-2804

Internet Resources on Locating a Religious or Spirituality Counselor:
Central Conference of American Rabbis, Reformed Judaism, Phone: 212-972-3636
Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association, Phone: 215-576-5210, Fax: 215-576 8051
International Association of Conservative Rabbis, Phone: 212-280-6000
The Rabbinical Council of America Orthodox Rabbis, Phone: 212-807-7888, FAX: 212-727-8452
Chabad Organization, Phone:  718-774-4000, Fax: 718-774-2718
National Conference of Catholic Bishops/United States Catholic Conference, Phone: 202-541-3000
National Association of Catholic Chaplains, Phone: 414-483-4898, Fax: 414-483-6712
DioceseNet Directory of Catholic Church Diocese, Phone (Rome): 011-39- 06-6699491
National Federation of Priest's Councils (Catholic), Phone: 312-226-3334, Fax: 312-829-8915
Official Site of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon), Phone: 801-240-5698,
            FAX 801-537-0101
MormonFind.com, Find Mormon Temples and Information, Phone: 801-891-4630
American Baptist Churches USA, Phone: 800-ABC-3USA
American Baptist Evangelicals, Phone: 877-223-8264
Presbyterian Church USA, Phone: 888-728-7228, Fax: 502-569-5018
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Phone: 800-638-3522, Fax: 773-380-1465,
            TDD: 800/442-3522
United Methodist Church, Phone: 615-742-5156, Fax: 615-742-5423
Seventh Day Adventist Church, Phone: 301-680-6495, Fax: 301-680-6090
DharmaNet International, Gateways to Buddhism, Email: dharma@dharmanet.org
DharmaBase: A Comprehensive Buddhist Directory, Phone:925-689-7238, FAX: 925-689-7168
World Wide Directory of Churches of Christ, Phone: 830-374-3936, FAX: 830-374-3039
Net Ministries Church Directory for Numerous Denominations
Yahoo Directory of all Religions, Phone: 408-731-3300, Fax: 408-731-3301

Internet Resources on Coping with Grief:
GriefNet, Phone: 313-761-1960
Tom Golden's Crisis, Grief and Healing Page, Phone: 301-670-1027
Good Grief Groups.com, Phone: 770-977-6377, Fax: 770-926-3743
The Centering Corporation, Great Books and Links, Phone: 402-553-1200, Fax: 402-553-0507
WebHealing.com Links and Resources, Phone: 301-942-9192
Hospice Foundation of America Grief Resource Page, Phone: 800-854-3402
Grief and Loss Resource Center   Email: cef@rockies.net
The Shiva Foundation, Phone: 505-757-8906, FAX: 505-757-8905
Grief Inc., Links and Resources, Phone: 866-312-8970, FAX: 502-493-7291
Grief Recovery Online for All Bereaved, Phone: 407-865-9249, FAX: 407-865-6179
Compassionate Friends.org for loss of a Child, Phone: 281-491-1396, FAX: 281-491-1396
Bereavement Magazine, Phone: 888-604-4673

This site last updated on December 1, 2003.